All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Randomize
