i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Randomize
