it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Randomize
