I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize
