forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
