so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
