This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
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