Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize
