you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
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