I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
