Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
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