shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
Randomize
