I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
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