Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Randomize
