Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Drunk walkin through police station. America
You dont lie about slip and slides
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
You should frame my arrest warrant.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
