i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
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