Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
