He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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