this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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