Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
