My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Randomize
