can we get nightvision for the apartment?
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Randomize
