i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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