whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
