She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
