You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Randomize
