So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
