You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
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