ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
