I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
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