ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Randomize
