I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
