Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize
