FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
tonight lets celebrate not being married
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
