Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
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