she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
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