Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
