I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
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