I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Randomize
