when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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