but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.�
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Randomize
