i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
