God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
