one word: firstdatebathroomanal
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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