I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
i think i have two assholes
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Randomize
