btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
Hippo gnu deer
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Randomize
