No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
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