dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
