Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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