Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
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