i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
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