Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
