Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
Man, jail baloney is awful.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
