I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
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