Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
