New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
