I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
