In the future we'll all be gay
? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
Randomize
