All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
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