In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Randomize
