dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Randomize
